If God looked into me what would he see?
I have often said that what I write each week is really an
introspection of my own, an examination of my own conscious. (And as usual I
continue to be amazed by the “coincidence” of the Sunday gospel readings as
they pertain to these introspections.)
I cannot write without seeing inside myself, without seeing
my own inability to change the things about myself that from the “outside” look
or seem to contradict the very things I write.
In one of those “wide awake” nights this weekend I wrote the
following: “Sometimes we have to answer the tough questions and make tough
choices, but often times it is not
the choosing that is difficult but rather executing those choices. And
our choices are these: right or wrong,
good or evil, heaven or hell, saint or sinner.
Only God can know me (and your) personal inner struggles, in
our thoughts and in our prayers, as we seek to continually face the challenges
which will allow the Spirit of God (our conscious) to guide us and change us
for Him.
I am pretty sure, for some, my writings sometimes seem like
a “bull in YOUR china closet;” meaning the ideas they contain seem to try to
beat you, or break the very ideas that you hold nearest and dearest to your own
heart.
It is humanly difficult to “break” or have “broken” a sin of
the past by the Spirit who gives us the gifts of wisdom, understanding and awe
at God’s greatest desire for our lives—to remain the innocent child he created.
I am also reminded with an ever growing humility, that I
have been given something many others have not, and that is the gift of a great
husband, a great friend. It is a gift to know that not only does Stan pray for
me, but he is equally committed to God’s ultimate goal for us. We are blessed
with joy in our marriage, and to share the knowledge that our intentions for
each other are “right” and that we are willing to serve and be served by each
other, for life, freely and faithfully. (This is God’s design for marriage.)
So, I pray, with the hope of God, that you understand where
my writing comes from—not from a desire to change you, but from my own
introspection, my own experience, my own sins and my own struggles to choose
God—every time. It comes from a desire to change myself, so that I will be as He
designed me to be—created in His likeness, a holy child of God.
"Good
teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus answered him,
"Why do you call me good? No one is
good but God alone. You know the commandments: You
shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall
not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your
mother." He
replied and said to him, "Teacher, all of these I have observed from my
youth." Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, "You are
lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will
have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me." At that statement his face
fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Mk 10: 17-22
I do have one other desire and that is that every one of us
would share heaven together.
Yet God’s own words this Sunday pointed out: “Jesus
looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for those who
have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!" The disciples were amazed at his
words. So Jesus again said to them in reply, "Children, how hard it is to
enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a
needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." Mk
10:23-25
God did not say it would be easy to be human, because as
humans we are sinners.
I know that I will often be challenged, emotionally and
spiritually, with the failings of culture and our society. And I struggle in my writings to contain my
patience, anger and judgment of others. But I also know that I must become what
I believe and that I am called to share my beliefs. (Blessed Pope John Paul II,
The New Evangelization)
Therefore, my introspections are often challenging: a
growing realization that I have been given unique gifts, and that I must use
these gifts; but the more I use them, the more I am challenged by them: to
change the wrongs in myself, before I point out the wrongs of others.
And of course this creates the challenge that I may be
ostracized for sharing my thoughts, just as many of God’s followers were
outcast.
So it is with great hope I continue Mark’s gospel: “They were exceedingly astonished and said
among themselves, "Then who can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and
said, "For human beings it is impossible, but not for God. All things are
possible for God." Mk 10: 26-27
So here is my abbreviated and concentrated short examination
of conscious (and long prayer) for myself this week—
God blesses me with an abundance of food: I choose to be
healthy. Help me not eat everything I see, but instead to seek His true food,
the Eucharist, at every opportunity.
God blesses me with an abundance of earthly wealth: I choose
to be humble and thankful, making my decisions based on WWJD and not about
money or gain for myself. Help me to give up control and seek opportunities for
others without a “pat on the back” for giving away my time and treasures.
God blesses me with the opportunity to attend church: I
choose to put God’s time first. Help me to focus on prayer and see church time as
a privilege and an opportunity rather than as an obligation.
God blesses me with a talent to write: I choose to write
about how God’s teachings influence my religious conscious, with the prayer that
God’s voice in life and death issues will be heard above the culture of
materialism. Help me to be guided and protected by the Spirit, and help my
words to be charitable and tolerant. May I always write faithfully on God’s
design for marriage (one man and one woman) and in expressing the need to vote
for the protection of innocent, voiceless children and the freedom to make
decisions based on my religious conscience. Amen.
“I prayed,
and prudence was given me; I pleaded, and the spirit of wisdom came to me. I
preferred her to scepter and throne, and deemed riches nothing in comparison
with her, nor did I liken any priceless gem to her; because all gold, in view
of her, is a little sand, and before her, silver is to be accounted mire.
Beyond health and comeliness I loved her, and I chose to have her rather than
the light, because the splendor of her never yields to sleep. Yet all good
things together came to me in her company, and countless riches at her hands.”
Wis 7:7-11
May my own introspection guide you to see God’s Spirit in
your life this week,
Blessings and thanksgiving for each of you who hear my
heart,
Charlotte
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